Amidst pouring rains, choc-a-bloc traffic and blaring horns of co-travellers, I had an interesting chat with a colleague over the level of inter-dependence of single (and independent) women in our societies. On one side was she – married with two kids, financially independent, but with a strong support system at home in terms of her family – narrating how her life has changed post-marriage and the role change she has undergone; and on the other side was me – single, with a fairly decent career, staying alone in the Big, Bad city of Bombay, and most of all, “Independent” – Well, technically, I was, but, didn’t realize my level of inter-dependence until I asked myself a while ago if that part was literally true.
The conversation did let me ponder over the levels of dependence we all have with various elements of the society – to begin with, am hugely dependent on my family as a support system too – though I stay in a different city from them, I land up calling home more than 4 to 5 times even on weekdays; dependent on close friends and the near and dear ones – for all the love and affection and the cheer they bring unto you on days, when you are low or even otherwise; dependent on your pals/chums – for all the fun things to do and make life a lot more lighter; dependent on colleagues – for all the professional assistance required; dependent on maid - for all the household chores and meals; dependent on neighbours and the society that am living in – to take care of any SOS requirements…..and the list goes on.
And I thought I was someone who could survive all on my own by myself even if I were to exist in an Island someday. Well, today was a wake-up call. At the cost of sounding clichéd, it did make me thank god for all the wonderful people in my life.
5 comments:
Independence, indeed, is a misnomer. I remember, most of my friends wanting to move out of their hometowns just to be independent. Somehow, I was not able to understand their idea of independence b'coz I got adequate independence at home itself and never wanted to stay in isolation just to prove my independence. And now that I stay all alone (by choice, of course) in this Big Bad (but wonderful) City, the same thoughts strike me again and again - I do not reallt want to be independent - I always want people whom I can fall back on, whom I can talk to and travel around with, whom I can go shopping with and get stuff of their choice, who can cook good food for me, who can help me with the daily household chores, etc.
To me, independence is the freedom of thought and not really action b'coz our actions may affect other people's lives too and we need to be very cautios while taking such actions/decisions just to prove our independence.
To me, independence is how freely I can express myself to someone while ensuring that those people do not form opinions about me and change their behaviour just b'coz my views and ideaologies are not identical to theirs.
To me, independence is something I rarely exercise in my personal life b'coz I care for and am concerned about people whose lives revolve around mine!
@VT Very nice. Pretty much my thoughts too :). Cheers.
The best of your blog pieces. One can hear hours of lectures or read terrabytes of text on interdependence but experiencing it is supreme. Most unsuccessful consulting assignements can be traced to ignoring connections among factors (stakeholders). Fritjof Capra named his best selling book "The Web of Life". Gandhi said that it is your DUTY to be interdependent. The Advaita philosophy of Sankara rests on the interdependence concept. When everything is connected to everything else, there is only one entity!
Keep provoking through more such triggers
One more thread. You have realized that YOU are dependent on others for specific ends. Look at the other side of how others are dependent on you. That will make you feel relevant and better - your boss needs data for media briefing, your team members need guidance and high appraisal ratings, your maid-help needs you to part finance her life, your family needs you for many things including chauffering! If you draw a network diagram you will see that as many arrows emerge out of you as those converging on you.
Once again a good trigger for reflection
@Narayanan Thanx, Chittappa!Cheers :)
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